Going for the GOLD!!!Outrageously Happy Marriage!!
Posted 22 April 2016 - 02:21 AM
Posted 28 April 2016 - 08:36 PM
The bridal shower was a success.
I was running behind on picking #1 daughter up as I had awakened very early with my right knee in great pain. I was able to get back to sleep, but when it was time to get up, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to walk. J helped me to the bathroom. It was going to be an interesting day if this thing didn't clear up. I managed a shower and getting dressed okay but decided I needed to see the chiropractor before making a 4 hour (one-way) drive, party, and drive home. We did make it there about 15 minutes early.
#1 and #3 daughters had a lot of fun giving me a hard time about my inability to move very well. The trip to the chiropractor was helpful. One of his recommendations was to keep it iced. I wasn't able to do that for another 12 or 13 hours. Sunday morning it was much better. Monday morning I had a slight twinge of pain and then it was gone.
J had said he would go home on Monday after work, so we didn't go to the work house until Tuesday. It's been a crazy schedule this week. We had a visitation to go to Tuesday night, which is our usual dance class night. Due to the conflict, we went to class Sunday night. I really don't know what a normal week is anymore!
Monday morning, #2 and #3 daughters and #5 son said something about my going shopping for picnic food. I did the shopping and made it back home. I was thoroughly surprised when #2 daughter said, "You are going on the picnic with us, aren't you?" Of course I was going if I was being invited! We had a lot of fun on our picnic in the corner of the field behind our house. The kids then went swimming in the pond by the field. Pond swimming is not for me to start with, but it seems a bit cold yet for outdoor swimming. They said it was cold but had a lot of fun anyway. It was very nice to be included in their activity......it's been a LONG time since that has happened.
We've been having internet issues which has made it very difficult to finalize trip plans....we leave Saturday night! Pray for good weather!
On the marriage front, sometimes I feel like all I do is tell J how he has once again hurt me in the usual manner. I'm really not sure who I am more frustrated with on this. Him for hurting me again, or me for being hurt again, or me for speaking up again. I get tired of having the same complaint continually. I sometimes think there must be something wrong with me....too sensitive.
I know that is not true. I just get worn out. I know that if I back off, I am not doing anyone any good. I would not be being true to myself, and I would not be pushing for growth in J....thereby allowing him to stay in his arrested state. Who does that help?
I will say that the last couple of times, he has actually figured out his error on his own.....after I got super quiet.
I am hoping for a good trip as the two of us spend 15 hours together on the train (one-way) as we travel on our adventure to celebrate our 35th anniversary.
I want to be on the other side of this mountain that is blocking our OHM!
Posted 09 May 2016 - 09:45 PM
It was a great trip, but it is good to be home. I need to get our adventures written down in my trip journal while it is all fresh in my mind.
I am waiting for J to get home (he had to meet #3 son to take care of some business), and we are going out for our anniversary dinner. Ah, he just pulled in the drive!
May is going to be a very busy month as the days speed along to our daughter's early July wedding.
Posted 08 February 2017 - 05:04 AM
Life just really sucks sometimes! But God is still on the throne. And my God still loves me. I am His. He will take care of me.
On December 1, 2016, my husband posted this in his thread:
"Not sure what she is expecting out of me"
Why not? Maybe he didn't ask, maybe he never really engaged in the process of loving me like Christ.
I can tell you exactly what I do not expect, and that is another affair to add to the lengthy tally.
Edited by 1love, 08 February 2017 - 05:05 AM.
Posted 10 February 2017 - 11:32 AM
Yes, MJ, there has been another one. And with all the lies that surround it!
Posted 11 February 2017 - 07:49 AM
So, he thinks this latest "failure" of his is your fault, does he? You were not with him enough to hold his hand and keep him out of trouble?
This "failure" is not a failure. It's a big huge SIN against God as well as against you! It's not a failure!
There is no impasse! There is only the consequence of SIN.
And he does not "still" love you. He loves himself and himself alone.
Those counselling sessions that are coming up are going to be fun for him. He will get some of the undivided attention that He thinks he did not get "enough" of from you and which led to his "failure!" Poor guy.
I feel bad for being sarcastic, but this situation takes the cake and I think it's just terrible that a man can treat his wife so casually! Ho hum. Let's have a little counselling to rectify this little failure and get the wife back in her oppressive little place where she belongs.
No more of that, right, 1love?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3
Posted 11 February 2017 - 10:01 AM
Thank you, MJ. And I say amen and amen!
I have been telling him I'm done, but the rest of the line is done with being on this roller coaster. He has been giving me enough sporadic good to give me hope. I had recently warned him that his lows are getting lower and lasting longer. That "warning" is not to be taken as a "threat" but as a "warning." A warning for him to wake up and see how the enemy is pouring into his spirit, and he is listening to that voice rather than God's voice. A warning to keep his heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23
I love Proverbs. I will say that I have had difficulty reading some of it over the last 5 years. There are so many warnings about adultery. How could a man that says he loves Jesus (forget about saying that he loves his wife) take the scripture so lightly? There are so many scriptures about the wise man receiving instruction and correction and being grateful, and, of course, the opposite where the fool resists instruction and correction and gets mad at those who give it. I don't get it.
I certainly am not perfect by any means. I recognize that and acknowledge that. I'll be the first one to say it. But I do let the living Word of God be my guidebook. We have to walk in the spirit letting His Word and His Spirit change us. The only way we can do that is to come to true repentance, stay in His Word, apply His Word to our daily lives, and walk in the power of the Holy Spirit. We have power over the enemy. We don't have to sit and say "woe is me."
He has thrown down. J&K ministry which is 100% Bible based, he is now saying doesn't line up with his Bible. Well, he must have gotten a different Bible than the one that I gave him some years ago. I know for a fact that the ministry lines up with that Bible!
He got mad when Joel told him that God showed him that J has an anger issue with me. He refuted that. But did eventually agree to pray about it. I don't know that the praying about it has ever seriously taken place. He maintained a very adamant stance that he was not angry with me. Well, I think his reaction to the whole thing proves that, yes, he is. I really wish that I remembered just when that was because things have been escalating ever since then. I think that is the proof in the pudding. Good grief, I think it is in the same post of his that I quoted from above (Dec. 1) that he says that at times he resents me. Hello!
Yes, MJ, I am done with being in the oppressive place!
It is quite obvious to me that I wanted our marriage to work more than he wanted it to work. He told me that I "never" showed him that I wanted to be with him. My response to that would be what have the last 5 years been? I think I more than showed that I wanted to be with him.
So he can enjoy going and talking about himself with the counselor or whoever. He can enjoy all the little "?#?#?#?#" that he finds on the dating sites. Unfortunately, I think that leaves him not enjoying the afterlife....according to my Bible anyway. Maybe his reads differently.
J, I know that you will see this. I will give you one more scripture from my Bible. Luke 22:31 And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat.
Pull out the Bible that I gave you and read the rest of the passage.
Here's an interesting observation I thought about the other day. The last day of our intensive was February 5, 2012. The day I told him to leave because of the latest affair and accompanying lies was February 5, 2017. That's 5 years to the day! That's 5 years that I spent of my life showing my husband that I wanted to be with him. That's 5 years I spent trying to be a help meet for this man to help him grow and become like Christ, to be the Christ like man that he told me he wanted to be. It seems to me that, given the results, maybe it's 5 years of my life that I wasted.
But at the end of the day, I can say that I gave it my all. I did my best. I am at peace with God.
It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Hebrews 10:39
MJ, thank you so much for your support (everyone else too) over the last 5 years. I definitely would not have made it without you. I will still be around here, so this is not goodbye.
Thank you for your prayers!
Posted 13 March 2017 - 02:16 PM
I just spent the last two hours reading through my would be husband's posts and my posts on the oxytocin thread. My how things change.
He came home for a little while last night. It started out sort of okay but definitely did not end well.
I read through the thread and relived all the wonderful memories. I remember the feelings. I read the promises he made in his posts. Maybe I should say his plans and not promises.
He said last night that he had spent time reading through the thread. Then he said that's not who he is. Well, at least there is some word of truth that comes out of his mouth. He definitely is not the MAN that I was married to in February 2016. His statement though concerned DISHES. He doesn't do DISHES. I remember that the two of us had a lot of fun doing the DISHES together that month.
He helped with dishes last night. And it wasn't even dishes that he had helped get dirty.
Here's a big difference in the time. In 2016, he and I were doing a LOT of kissing (all the HSKC going on big time) and a lot of making LOVE. We were both in a HAPPY place. Marriage rating 8 or 9 at the time.
Now the picture looks like this: In an email from him, he said he's "been married but lonely" he's not been happy.
Now the picture is that WE are not doing any kissing, no HSKCs, and no making LOVE.
He, however, is still doing the kissing, likely he's even implementing some of the teaching he has learned from this CULT that taught us how to get to that 8 or 9 last year - the HSKCs, and he is having sex. It's not making LOVE. Adultery can never be making LOVE. It is only walking in the lust of the flesh. He has reduced his made in the image of God body to the body of a stray dog going around to whatever poor, unsuspecting b--ch he can put his thing in.
Wow! Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
His 17-18 month long (August 2010-January 2012) "b--ch" recipient of what God meant for me and only me was right when she told him "You'll never change. You'll be back."
What a fool.
Oh, she (current one) called and texted him last night while he was here. He confirmed they are still "talking" and having sex.
What a fool.
Posted 14 March 2017 - 08:38 PM
Posted 21 March 2017 - 08:21 AM
It's time to give an update here.
On February 4, I found out about another affair that was going on.
On February 5, he told me that he wanted me to know that he had asked God to forgive him, and that he was sorry he hurt me. I requested my adulterous husband to leave the house.
In the time since then, he has shown much hatred toward me. He has not shown fruits meet for repentance. In fact, he was not repentant as he was continuing in the affair.
He kept badmouthing this Christian based ministry that God directed us to, and we have been working with for 5 years.
He asked about meeting with someone else. I finally conceded, and we met with the pastor of the church where we have been going on Wednesday nights. We met with him before church on March 15.
The pastor said he would be willing to work with us but had to know that we both wanted the marriage.
My adulterous husband's response to the pastor was that it sounded interesting and a possibility. His words to me after church were that he "would think about it."
I sent an email to him on March 18 encouraging him to stop listening to the devil's lies and go back to striving to be the man of God that he has said he wants to be.
On March 20, around 10:30pm, he finally called me back as he had said he would do around 3:00pm.
He had read a letter I had written him in September. He had read my email. He had read the Bible.
He has found someone that he "loves" and is not interested in working on the marriage. He could not in "good conscience" tell the pastor that he wanted the marriage.
According to my email, I still expect him to change. God is loving and forgiving.
Posted 21 March 2017 - 08:32 AM
MJ, the username maybe does still apply: passion4one is passion only for himself! It certainly isn't passion for God, wife, or children.
What definitely does not apply is the name of his thread: Rebuilding a man of God.
What definitely does not apply is the section his thread is in: Husbands working to win their wife's heart back.
What definitely does not apply is the name of my thread: Going for the Gold. Well, at least I was going for the gold.
What definitely does not apply is the section my thread is in: Couples working together.
Posted 21 March 2017 - 05:04 PM
Posted 21 March 2017 - 07:07 PM
They say that every cloud has a silver lining.
This ministry and all of the wonderful God honoring people here are the silver lining in this mess.
I thank God for bringing us together. In everything, give thanks to God!
If my husband had not taken us down this road, I would never have met this wonderful group of God's people.
Thank you for all you have done for me and are continuing to do.
I love you all!
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