Jump to content


Photo

Aim: Get from Intimidation to Intimacy


  • Please log in to reply
2467 replies to this topic

#1 MaryJane

MaryJane

    Helper

  • Helpers Group
  • 7,650 posts
  • LocationRural Manitoba, Canada

Posted 18 May 2008 - 10:01 PM

Finally, a start.

Our marriage is much better than it was at the end of 2006. Mostly because my husband is way more patient than he used to be. He had a couple of spiritual experiences in which the Lord relieved him of bitterness and gave him love. In one experience he felt the emotional agony I'd been feeling for the 25 years previously. That was all very nice.

I, however, am still afraid of making him irritated with me. That's my arrested development problem, I know.

If I tell him, as carefully as possible, about something he's said that hurt me, he tells me I'm super sensitive or that it's my arrested development filter distorting what he's said.

He likes Paul Hegstrom's teaching and wants to concentrate on it. He agrees with Joel and Kathy too, and even quotes them to people, but prefers not to keep in touch with them. He's doesn't want to hear Joel tell him what to do.

He's figured out that it's my rejection that causes his rejection to react.

I go around sort of scared of him, most of the time. Except when he's in a great mood!

A miracle cure for all this would be nice. Guess it has to be done the hard way, though. With God's help of course.

I feel better already, just having written this.

#2 Celia

Celia

    Helper

  • Members
  • 2,619 posts
  • LocationAlabama

Posted 18 May 2008 - 11:24 PM

As wives we do everything in our power to keep the peace. But right now in order for your husband to grow he needs to hear your heart no matter how much it hurts him. Its not true peace you are only protecting his feeling yet you are dying inside holding in what has to come out. With J&K help it won't be rough forever just the first few months and then it will get easier. When you need Joel to talk to him. Call together that way your husband doesn't feel its only for him. You say you and him need direction and you are going to call. Then put it on speaker so Joel can speak to both of you. At first my husband is hesitant because its hard for the men to hear the truth. Joel does not hold back, baby them or stroke their ego. But once he speaks my husband gets it. Its like magic. It amazes me. the way he deals with men. I am blown away. Don't worry about how he will act. Sweetly get him to join you on the call and let Joel handle the rest.
Have you read the marriage manual link on the forum? It will help you explain to your husband what is on your heart.

#3 Celia

Celia

    Helper

  • Members
  • 2,619 posts
  • LocationAlabama

Posted 18 May 2008 - 11:27 PM

Here is a copy of the marriage manual

Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 9:51 pm Post subject: Creating Your Personal Marriage Manual

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have been asked by several to show my marriage manual I gave to my husband Simple Design a few days ago. If you would like to see this manual including the pictures and colorful fonts, etc. please private message me with your e-mail address and I will send it to you as an attachment. The pictures add that visual punch, especially the ones I used along with the quotes. If you wish to use what I e-mail you and go in and delete things....then personalize it yourself you have my full permission. I used a simple 3 ring folder and handed it to him to keep for reference.

I can't tell you how much this is changing my husband in just the few days he's had it. I believe this is a great idea and a chance to search your heart. Do you know what your heart desires? You can be as creative as you want or as simple, doesn't matter. The key is, it's YOUR manual. (Pay special attention to the 'disclaimer' at the very end.) LOL!!! The main thing is, this gets you thinking and second it puts something in your husbands hand to help the process of rebuilding Rome.

Also, I printed from the 'Various Issues of Life' thread.....two articles. One titled 'Invalidation' and 'Validation'. I believe these are KEY ingredients on your manual so I attached them as a reference behind all my pages. So without further adieu.........Ornate Designs manual to Simple Design!!! This may seem long, but remember...the real manual has pictures.

The Woman In Me
Danielle’s Marriage Manual

THE NEMESIS
Fear is the nemesis for a woman as it gives birth to worry, which grows to be the master of a woman’s being.
Quote: Your Wife

Almost every book in the bible has ‘fear not’ scriptures in them. Did you know that? I didn’t until researching it myself. God was always telling someone to simply fear not. The definition of fear is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
In marriage when a woman is distressed with the emotion of fear about the relationship it gives birth to a life of chronic worry I have realized. It is our own personal torture we reside in. The worry spreads like a cancer and it permeates a woman’s perspective tainting everything she feels and sees and more importantly how she acts.
I think it’s amazing how I cannot seem to multi-task with certain things like talking on the phone and cooking. I have to focus on my task or something’s getting screwed up and generally it’s our dinner. I cannot multi-task with worry either no matter how hard I try.
For the majority of our marriage I was decent at it until last year and I couldn’t take it anymore as everything tumbled down and all I could answer to was worry as I lay in the bed many days with the idea of even attempting to do ANYTHING too hard a struggle.
I have realized that IF that desire for our husbands is met with ANYTHING short of love, honor, and cherish over time worry is the master of our being. I don’t know why the pastor or priest simply doesn’t ask, “Will you cherish your wife?” Cherish encompasses all by its very definition.
When we were first married I didn’t fear much as I was too busy dreaming of what could be. Our future. What fears I did have were of the cherishing kind, like worrying about the missed phone call or if you would come down on your time off. I valued that time with you and didn’t want to miss it. After marriage that quickly deteriorated to deadly fear, as I didn’t feel cherished, or secure.
What you need to understand is that the day a woman stops worrying about themselves and their marital relationship it might as well be over. She’s done or like I have been this past year a barely functioning human being. She has either made the decision that she will no longer be a slave and the only outward change that is noticeable is whether she stays in that home as a roommate or she leaves.
I have known the bible tells me to not worry. I know that as a believer in Christ I’m not to worry but I have came to the conclusion that the design of marriage makes it absolutely impossible for a woman to stop worrying UNLESS she’s truly cherished. It’s Gods way and MANY of us have shaken our fist at God for this, as it is truly a curse, although it doesn’t have to stay that way forever.
We are all human and everyone worries. In marriage though, for a woman it’s extra baggage she doesn’t need. She has a household to operate, children to mother, friendships to keep, church commitments, work, and all the cares of life that she is commanded to “Cast you cares upon me” (God) as the bible instructs.
I can’t think of a scripture that tells a woman to toss the marital worry onto God’s shoulders. I have tried to ‘toss and toss’ my marital cares on God for many years to no avail. It hasn’t been until recently I learned why it was never successful. I’m not completely sure God wants to accept my marital worry because if he does he knows I am done and you have no chance. In his great wisdom and what we’ve been learning I see it as a mere glimpse into his greater plan to mature men and redeem us from the curse.
So many dollars wasted, time wasted, lost sleep, depression, anxiety, anger, and bitterness stem from worry that churns inside a woman’s spirit at the expense of the marriage and family when the ‘forwards plan’ of marriage is not followed as God outlined in the scriptures every single day of the relationship. All those emotions, and that’s just over the marriage. It does not include the rest of her life, although it oozes into all other areas.
Every single time a woman Agape loves her husband she looses a little piece of herself. I think God gives us a certain bank account for so much Agape love to give you guys a chance, but once it’s past that? She goes into the negative and starts taking out loans. The price is her own identity.
I honestly believe men will only get the woman of their efforts. If a man looks at his wife and sees that she’s not his dream, then he needs to look in the mirror and ask, “Why? What am I not doing?” and work to figure it out through action not just analyzing it or staying in a defeated thought pattern about it.
I propose women are trapped into being something rarely resembling anything close to how she envisioned herself as a woman. Our entire marriage you’ve said, “I just want you happy.” I’ve wanted that too more than you’ll ever know. I have wanted that freedom to simply just BE.
I am anxious to see what kind of dream woman I’ll look like. Aren’t you?

HOW TO I CHERISH DANIELLE?
“Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do, will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, will never...never forget it.”
Curtis Judalet

I’m going to attempt to give you a marriage manual of my heart with as many detailed instructions I can. I think you would like this as you like procedure manuals. **I do reserve the right to state that something may get left out as the heart of a woman runs deep, but I believe this will give you the best starting point ever and as you use this manual and get familiarized with it you will then be able to easily spot missed material. I’m going to write you a list of “I feel cherished when” as easy reference you can look at daily to study and memorize.
Before I do that, I’m going to share what makes me feel fear and worry. I’m going to share some of my past, present, and future worries with you. I know you may be thinking the past worries need not be mentioned but even though I may not worry about all of them now some still stand and others can rear their ugly heads at any given time. You need to be prepared to help me fight… The Nemesis.

“Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.”
“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.”

Past Worries

You made a mistake in marrying me. You picked the wrong girl.
You would never grow up.
You hated spending time with me.
You hated making love to me. I was ugly, fat, repulsive, and awful.
You never protected me or supported me.


Present Worries

You are listening but don’t plan any action plan concerning change. That you think you have it down but will slack off and what forward steps have been taken will simply return to old habits. You will never truly apologize from the heart. You will never feel my pain. I will have to push you through all this as I have most everything else hoping for real change. You will relapse. You will relapse and not tell the truth about it. You will get aggravated and angry and leave, saying this marriage isn’t worth the trouble that I’m too much and I’m asking above and beyond what you can give. You will take this book, read it, and forget it in file 13 along with all my other letters through the years.


Future Worries

You will never truly allow full change 100%. You will change for a while and the rug will get jerked out again. That you will strive against reaching an Outrageously Happy Marriage. That you will buck at the Intensive in July. That you will lust at another female on vacation. That you will lust other females PERIOD. That you will fall back into lust, pornography, self-gratification and I again will be fooled. That you will always do whatever and say, “I love you” knowing this is how to play on my caring side.


“If you're a star you go through the front door carrying the roses, instead of through the back door carrying the garbage.”

I feel devalued the most when you lust in ANY manner and
Self-gratify. I was the one you choose and every time you do that it’s like tossing me aside as a piece of worthless trash.

I feel devalued when you assume I will handle everything and you need not worry about anything.

I feel devalued when you value your wants and needs more than mine.

I feel devalued when you don’t defend or value my feelings where your family is concerned.

I feel devalued when you always assume I’ll be “just fine.”

I feel devalued when I risk initiating lovemaking and you turn me down with lies and excuses.


I FEEL CHERISHED WHEN…
“Love is the admiration and cherishing of the amiable qualities of the beloved person, upon the condition of yourself being the object of their action”
Quote-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

-You kiss me goodbye in the mornings even when I’m asleep and whisper, “I love you.”
-You text or call just to say how wonderful I am, how much you love me, how you can’t stop thinking about me. The variety of different ways makes it fun and special.
-You can’t wait to get home to see me.
-When you get home you show through your actions that you’re happy to be home FOR ME, not just happy be home FROM work.
-You hug the girls (not them hug you) and tell them how special they are to you. You tickle them and chase them and affirm them in all their uniqueness.
-You spend quality time with our children.
-You discipline the girls in love.
-You think of our home as not a place you live and I clean and maintain it.
-You worry about future home projects and plan on actions to complete them.
-You talk to me when I get a bath.
-You massage or tickle my back
-You massage my feet. (I will definitely feel cherished, as I know you hate this)
-You tell me I’m beautiful.
-You compliment me with specifics. “I love your blue eyes”
-You can’t keep your hands off me
-You steal me away for different types of sex and free your mind.
“Help Wanted-Varying Positions *Apply Here”
-You ask will I take a bath with you and insist I get the good seat.
-You say, “I don’t want to watch TV tonight I just want to talk to you” occasionally.
-You surprise me with little gifts out of the blue occasionally just because.
-You make my birthday a big deal for a change.
-Mothers Day is a day you want to ensure I am honored.
-You mow the grass before it gets too high without being asked.
-You treat me like I am a potential client and not your personal secretary.
-You feel for me the way you did when you were dating me. Trying to impress and not quite sure if I would go for you or not depending on your performance.
-Treat me like a top Super Model and you are the ugliest man ever. You are dumbfounded not knowing how you got so lucky. Any thought of, “I’m not that bad a guy.” Or “Another woman would want me, and maybe I could do better” or “I’ve got something to offer” IS NOT CHERISHING. It’s pride and ego.
-You read and post on J&K’s forum because you WANT to learn more how to be the man God’s called you to be. You show genuine interest and excitement. Copy the CD’s to tape and listen to them over and over in your car.
-Wash and detail my vehicle for a change.
-You take care of something for me without having to be told.
-You come to me with concerns about our family.
-You are open and honest about your feelings with no evading or avoidance.
-You ‘sense’ that I’m not right as you have learned and studied my body language and tone of voice. When you sense this you WANT to make it better.
-You validate my feelings and not try to use logic to make me feel better.
-You open doors for me.
-You say nice things about me to others. Extra bonus if I’m in hearing distance.

Disclaimer: All rights reserved. No part of this document may be altered by any means without the written permission of The Wife Inc., which, subjects are termed, to change.
Allergy alert: may contain spice called Ja-Makin Knee-Jerk which in certain individuals been known to cause irritability, tamper tantrums, uncontrollable need for control, restless run syndrome, and in hard core cases Tourette Syndrome like symptoms where bible versus are used tied to the word ‘submission.’ Absolutely no return for refunds. Not to be combined with ‘other offers’ of the husband kind.
**Proud sponsor of the ‘There’s The Door’ Foundation for women and ‘Cry Babies R US Coalition for Change.’
_________________
Ornate Design/ Wife of Simple Design
Marital Issues: 16 years of Passiveness, Sexual Selfishness and Addiction
Materials: On Second Book Presently.
OHM Journey: Husband admits issues and is presently dying. Whoo-Hoo!!!
*Attending July Intensive 08

#4 MaryJane

MaryJane

    Helper

  • Helpers Group
  • 7,650 posts
  • LocationRural Manitoba, Canada

Posted 19 May 2008 - 07:38 PM

Thankyou for your reply, Celia.

Yes, I just have to keep telling him what's on my heart, no matter what. Today, he's cheerful, so maybe, today we can make a little progress again.

I should probably write out a marriage manual for my own good as well as his!

God bless you.

#5 MaryJane

MaryJane

    Helper

  • Helpers Group
  • 7,650 posts
  • LocationRural Manitoba, Canada

Posted 13 July 2008 - 03:02 AM

Well, about a week ago, I did a courageous thing. I calmly told my husband that I'd like to order a replacement copy of J & K's book, Livin' It And Lovin' It. At first, he said we've got the DVD's... I said, "It's easier to read a book." (We've only watched the DVD's once. It was like pulling teeth.)

Later that night, he said, "You can go ahead and order that book." I didn't tell him that I had fully intended to do so. It felt really good that I had finally brought up the subject.

Back in Dec. '07, he had burned our original copy. We'd been having a "discussion". He brought up the subject of separation, saying he couldnt' afford to keep two households going. (?) I said I was tired of packing up and leaving, he'd have to do it next time. That disturbed him greatly! He said I was quoting Joel. He wasn't going to have Joel control his house! Then he grabbed the book, full of his own bookmarks, and put it in the fire.

So, now, we wait for Book no. 2. Then what? Am I going to have the nerve to insist on our actually reading it together? We've done all that already. Until he got tired of my slowness to heal.

Now, he's waiting for me to get healed from my arrested development so he doesn't have to react to it. Or something like that.

I know this is my own issue, but I'm so uptight most of the time at home, here. I don't feel free to mention my family, friends, or anything. He might not approve! He doesn't approve! He can't bring himself to go to church or have anything to do with Christians. They're too religious.

I don't want to leave but that's what I mostly think about doing.

This is kind of a haphazard post, but maybe I'll do better next time.

#6 Judy

Judy

    Offering Encouragement J&K Way

  • Members
  • 1,347 posts
  • LocationCalifornia

Posted 13 July 2008 - 07:44 PM

Until he got tired of my slowness to heal.
Now, he's waiting for me to get healed from my arrested development so he doesn't have to react to it. Or something like that.
I know this is my own issue, but I'm so uptight most of the time at home, here. I don't feel free to mention my family, friends, or anything. He might not approve! He doesn't approve! He can't bring himself to go to church or have anything to do with Christians. They're too religious.
I don't want to leave but that's what I mostly think about doing.
This is kind of a haphazard post, but maybe I'll do better next time.


Don't apologize for your post - you can only respond to what you've been fed.
First things first, this is NOT your issue alone. Your husband helped create this problem so quit taking full responsibility for it yourself.
Yes you arrived in the marriage damaged but it's your husband's responsibility to heal you and bring you to wholeness through your marriage. His refusal to do this has caused the problem to go much deeper than it once was.
You are a prisoner in your own home - you aren't free to talk about your friends or family or church so your poor husband doesn't get upset.
You are not the one who has to leave your home!!! It's his role and responsibility to leave when you ask him to.
This is all mixed up here - neither one of you have understood J&K's teachings here. You both need to read the books and watch the DVD's over and over again until you both fully understand how this works.
The husband grows up, dies to self and heals your heart by becoming a Christlike servant. If he's not even a Christian it will be impossible for him to become Christlike - by beholding we become changed!
The husband initiates good things and makes a safe place for you to heal.
You will NEVER get healed while in this marriage with his attitude the way it is now.
Should you decide to divorce then you can find healing through Jesus Christ as a single woman but God's plan is that your husband do this!
Part of being a helpmeet is helping him meet your needs and your need is for him to understand and apply these teachings. So yes, you're going to have to ask him to read and apply these teachings.
We're all looking forward to walking the journey to an exceptionally, outrageously, unreasonably happy marriage with you.

#7 MaryJane

MaryJane

    Helper

  • Helpers Group
  • 7,650 posts
  • LocationRural Manitoba, Canada

Posted 14 July 2008 - 01:07 AM

Oh, thankyou so much, Judy.

I'm planning to write him a note with clear words on it as to what has to happen ie. read the book, follow the program, get right with God. His reaction will decide whether I go or stay.

He's a farmer. His work is where we live. If he left he'd have to come back continually to do his work. My family members live hundreds of miles away. I believe I need to go to them.

Thanks again.

#8 Judy

Judy

    Offering Encouragement J&K Way

  • Members
  • 1,347 posts
  • LocationCalifornia

Posted 14 July 2008 - 01:32 AM

Oh, thankyou so much, Judy.
I'm planning to write him a note with clear words on it as to what has to happen ie. read the book, follow the program, get right with God. His reaction will decide whether I go or stay.


Good, you need to express your feelings, thoughts, desires and needs to him. Lay it out your expectations - read book, watch DVD's etc. In writing is often easier than trying to find the right words in person.
You're fulfilling your role as helpmeet by helping him meet your needs.

He's a farmer. His work is where we live. If he left he'd have to come back continually to do his work. My family members live hundreds of miles away. I believe I need to go to them. Thanks again.


You're right in THIS instance. Usually the wife and children stay in the home while the husband leaves while working to win his wife's heart back. In your situation where you live on the farm it makes sense that you go live with your family where you will have support.
Let us know the outcome, we're here to help!

#9 MaryJane

MaryJane

    Helper

  • Helpers Group
  • 7,650 posts
  • LocationRural Manitoba, Canada

Posted 14 July 2008 - 03:33 AM

You're helping already. Thankyou.

#10 MaryJane

MaryJane

    Helper

  • Helpers Group
  • 7,650 posts
  • LocationRural Manitoba, Canada

Posted 15 July 2008 - 04:29 AM

Here's the note I left for my husband to read today. I've been to "the city" with a friend all day. Am almost dreading going home to find out how he responded to it.

My Husband,

I love you. That's why I'm here.

As you're well aware, our marriage is in serious trouble. We're getting further and further apart while in the same house.

Here's my desire:

That you and I love God and each other, continue to grow spiritually, and become more like Him -- together. Our boys need us, our neighbours need us, and the body of Christ needs us -- together, as a shining example of a godly marriage that really and truly represents Christ and the church. I believe it's entirely possible -- even for us, as old and set in our ways as we are. With God nothing is impossible.

I think you desire these things too. Don't you?

Those two reasons why I came back home last fall are still out there waiting for complete fulfillment:

1. That we worship God and have fellowship with other believers without question.
2. That we go to an Intensive with Joel and Kathy. I think we're still going to have to do that. The DVD's aren't enough for us.

Please reply.

Your Wife,

#11 Rebecca

Rebecca

    Helper

  • Members
  • 1,211 posts

Posted 15 July 2008 - 04:40 AM

http://www.sermonaud...?SID=7708223601

Hi MaryJane,

See if your husband would be willing to watch this sermon with you. It is a wonderful message to husbands about loving their wives with Christ-like love.

My husband is loving me the Joel and kathy way and we watched this sermon together and he was still convicted/encouraged that he could be doing better!

#12 MaryJane

MaryJane

    Helper

  • Helpers Group
  • 7,650 posts
  • LocationRural Manitoba, Canada

Posted 15 July 2008 - 04:25 PM

Thankyou Rebecca. I can't take time just now to listen to the sermon, but I'll try to later. Our chief computer is on the blink, am using a friend's at the moment.

Here's the reply I found from my husband last night: (We haven't had an opportunity to talk yet.)

"MaryJane",
I have decided to take some time before answering your questions. In order that what "I say", I would be prepared to cary it out.
Since running the tractor rattles my brain this seems sensible to me...
"Joe"

#13 MaryJane

MaryJane

    Helper

  • Helpers Group
  • 7,650 posts
  • LocationRural Manitoba, Canada

Posted 17 July 2008 - 06:28 AM

Later that day, we had our discussion/argument in response to my note.

The discussion went nowhere -- except towards the idea of separating. He doesn't like me. Plain and simple. I'm too nice for his liking, for one thing. I want to go to church once a week, for another. That bothers him. And he's a born-again, Spirit-filled person!?

After another hour, while we sat at the supper table, Joe began talking about our marriage problems to our 21-year-old son! He seemed glad to participate in the discussion! He told his dad, for one thing, that he ought to go to church with me. He didn't back down from his dad's aggressive tone like I might. They spoke calmly to each other, even though they both have a tendency for hot-headedness.

Joe's whole attitude changed. He appeared to agree with our son that his objections to me were wrong.

What gives? Our son has become our counsellor?

Joe felt better, so I felt better, so I changed my plans to leave him and "rewarded" him instead.

Tonight, before he went to bed, he said he'd go to church with me on Sunday. In case that was worrying me.

#14 MaryJane

MaryJane

    Helper

  • Helpers Group
  • 7,650 posts
  • LocationRural Manitoba, Canada

Posted 20 July 2008 - 08:14 PM

Well, he didn't go to church with me. He hadn't slept very well. I hadn't either but I wasn't going to stay home another whole week without fellowship with other Christians.

I really feel like leaving. It's been so long. He only gets serious about our marriage when I leave. "People" have always been his problem, he says. He can't change, he says.

I wish I could see a very clear picture of what to do.

#15 JoelandKathy

JoelandKathy

    Founders and Authors - Husband and Wife, Parents, Friends, Past

  • Administrators
  • 6,809 posts
  • LocationPalm Coast, Florida

Posted 21 July 2008 - 12:29 AM

You are right - when you left him last time - he was "all ears" - as soon as you got back in the home - it was just a couple months until he started to close his ears.

Sadly, SO many women are forced into one of three choices:

1. Stay and accept the crumbs that a husband wants to offer.
2. Kick a husband out or leave him.
3. Work hard at pushing for change by not allowing him to get away with rejecting the message and treating you bad. Speaking up when he is not doing right - constantly. This will cause a change one way or another - he will begrudgingly change or he will get worse.

Most men, whose wives decided to make their change NON-NEGOTIABLE - are thanking their wives later. Some men, of course, just get worse.

Maybe your son should come over every day to counsel him!

#16 dory

dory

    Believing God for Miracles in Marriages

  • Members
  • 7,280 posts

Posted 22 July 2008 - 01:54 PM

Hi MaryJane,

Thanks for joining us on the conference call last night. I wish I had seen your string before we spoke as I would have had ALOT more to offer

Now, he's waiting for me to get healed from my arrested development so he doesn't have to react to it. Or something like that.


Judy addressed this very well in how to heal it. But the manefestations of our arrestedness is in being too meek to stand up for ourselves and letting ourselves be walked upon. So if HE wants you to get healed from your arrestedness, he'd better WATCH what he wishes for! Ha HA.

Actually the men who realize that they need their wives to become good helpmeets so that they can become more Christlike and self-confident into their new walk, ARE happy and blessed to see their wives get healed and confident as well. In a woman, confidence = more loving. Especially when a man fully deserves to be "loved to bits" due to his new Christlike nature.

To quote Kathy: Its ALL Good and for hubby to resist, is hubby resisting "good". He's fearful right now and fear is the work of the enemy. Its not the he doesn't LIKE people, he's afraid of people.

Have him read Galatians 5 --- its one of my favorites concerning being filled with the spirit.

#17 MaryJane

MaryJane

    Helper

  • Helpers Group
  • 7,650 posts
  • LocationRural Manitoba, Canada

Posted 22 July 2008 - 04:01 PM

It's amazing what all can happen in a 24-hr time period!

Thankyou Joel for your note. It was refreshing for me.

Dory! I'm so glad you and your husband were "on duty" last night! My husband was right into listening and participating. It was wonderful! I offered to quit once when I thought maybe he'd had enough. He said, "Oh no. I want to hear the rest of this couple's story. (Mary and Bill)" Then he spoke too. Wonderful!

Sunday, after I came home from church, (I'd put it off as long as possible, spending time with friends all afternoon), I was quiet, not knowing what kind of conversation to try to make with him.

About 7:30 pm he said, "Sounds like you've drawn the lines again." I said, "I don't know what's going on." ( typically ineffective reply.) He said, "You know very well. You've done it again."

Later, I said, "I don't know what to say when I come home. I know you don't like me going."

He said, "You've been away several days this week and STILL you go to church! You're the one who pressured (?) me to stay organic farming. Now I have all this work to do. You haven't changed and I haven't changed. I guess we'll just have to separate. I was just thinking this morning, that I guess I could get used to sitting here alone on the farm for the rest of my life. I'm not going to any marriage counselling or anything like that. Now you've got a more honest answer to your note. I'm a farmer. A farmer has to be hard. Hard, hard, hard."

The next morning, yesterday, he said, "Today, I don't want you to leave." He began to wonder what we were going to do. Said it needs to be the Lord who does something, etc. He considered calling the Morris Cerullo Helpline.

I said, in my little voice, "This is Monday... Monday nights, 8 pm our time, there's a conference call -- not with Joel and Kathy, but another couple.'
He said, "Yeah, you like them. I don't."

Later, about the time our 21-year-old son came home from work, my husband told me he was sorry. He was broken up. He said, he felt like he was kicking me out of my own house. He said he would go on the conference call. I guess you could say the Lord intervened!

#18 dory

dory

    Believing God for Miracles in Marriages

  • Members
  • 7,280 posts

Posted 22 July 2008 - 06:12 PM

Praise God! I wish I could have some positive influence on MY parents like your son has on your hubby!

At any rate, next step, will he get on the Thursday night call?

#19 Giving Hope

Giving Hope

    Blessed and Happy!

  • Members
  • 2,256 posts
  • LocationThe Land of Oz

Posted 22 July 2008 - 08:41 PM

My husband was right into listening and participating. It was wonderful! I offered to quit once when I thought maybe he'd had enough. He said, "Oh no. I want to hear the rest of this couple's story. (Mary and Bill)" Then he spoke too. Wonderful!


This is wonderful.. sounds like he is "soften" his heart a little and might be wanting to take the right path in this life!

God is so awesome!

Reward him for this! This is just a small step, but its HUGE right now!

Congrats

Gaininghope

#20 JoelandKathy

JoelandKathy

    Founders and Authors - Husband and Wife, Parents, Friends, Past

  • Administrators
  • 6,809 posts
  • LocationPalm Coast, Florida

Posted 22 July 2008 - 09:11 PM

so cool to see God using the Monday night phone call like this!




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users