Now I would like to post another update. It concerns a bump in the road that we have not allowed to stall us very long at all!
Apparently, Zed momentarily forgot what his new style of communication with me was. He found himself making an uncalled-for comment on a conversational matter that should have been a little pleasantry between us.
Yesterday, I was making a scanned copy of an old letter my cousin had sent to me when we were 8 years old. She had written that she was sending some little items we had left at their place a couple of weeks before. Zed took a look at the letter. I expected him to agree with me that it was cute -- the sentence structure and wording of my little 8-year-old cousin, as she had been. He has met her, as an adult.
However, his comment was -- you were already forgetting things way back then!
I was taken completely by surprise. I never seem to have the "right" comeback in a situation like this. I think I said something useless like, "I don't always forget things." I guess he walked away. I thought maybe a little note to tell him how his words hurt might do the trick, since these upsets are so rare now.
I wrote the following:
I just need a quick little apology for those words that I forget things often. They hurt me. Thanks. Love, MaryJane
When he read it a little later, he said, " You hurt me with your words too." I said, "I don.t think so! Only if I have to tell you you are hurting me." He walked away saying, "You do forget."
So, after he went to bed, I wrote another note and did not mince words. Here it is:
June 2, 2017 10 pm
Please think about it. You know how it feels to have someone imply that you are faulty in some way. Remember how your mother used to speak to you, as if you were always in the wrong about something.
You used to point out all kinds of faults you thought I had. It nearly destroyed me. You mostly don't do that anymore and I appreciate it very much. It would be awful if you got back into that habit.
I need you, my husband, to only love me with kindness.
Zed, I am writing from my heart.
I just can't speak that clearly in person. I felt pretty daring writing so pointedly, but thanks to what I have learned through this ministry, and with the deliverance I believe I received from the Lord, releasing me from intimidation of my husband, I wrote it!
Here is his reply this morning:
I see and I am sorry. Don't want that stuff to get going. You're right!
That was enough for me! I was able to go on as though nothing had happened. It took Zed a little longer to actually warm up fully, it seemed. Maybe he couldn't believe I was totally okay. I don't know. He's fine now and we are fine.
Praise the Lord!