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Receiving Oxytocin debate


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#1 Raymondjmcclain77

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Posted 14 March 2017 - 02:16 PM

I just attempted to open up a discussion with my wife about some observations that I have made over the last couple of months since attending a marriage intensive and want to make sure my hypothesis is not null. My wife has a large family and is on her phone most of the day communicating with them as well as friends and games, often bringing it to bed with her and is on it until we go to sleep.......Over the last couple of months I've observed that 80 to 100% of the time when I initiate hugs, smiles, kisses, and compliments that she does not look up, respond, acknowledge my existence or action, and then at the end of the day she verbalizes that I have initiated nothing that day. I have spoken to her and even had one sided conversations with her in these times of complete phone focus that are met with silence as apparently she does not even realize that an attempted conversation took place. Don't get me wrong.......I'm not butt hurt because she is not acknowledging me or my efforts. But I know that when someone serves us or gives us a gift of some kind, how much do we really appreciate that gift if we don't even stop to receive it.....like looking down and wondering when the waitress slipped in to top off our cup of coffee. Or, if my wife brings me a cold drink and a sandwich when I'm working in the yard, will I appreciate it more if I wolf it down while continuing to work or would I receive her gift of service with greater appreciation if I stop and savor that sandwich and cold drink while sharing it with her.

I am also hypothesizing that she is actually getting Oxytocin from her family and friends from these phone exchanges throughout the day and I see that as a good thing as long as it's not distracting her from receiving it from her most important source, which is what I believe is happening here.  I'm open to all feedback and direction on this one. Thanks in advance.



#2 MaryJane

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Posted 01 May 2017 - 03:38 AM

I'm sorry, I didn't notice your post until now!

When did you and your wife attend your intensive?

Have you been doing the homework of reading the books for 10 minute a day, watching the DVD's an hour a week, and getting on the phone calls a couple of times a week?

I agree with you that your wife is getting some oxytocin from her phone calls, etc. That will never match the effect of receiving her husband's love, however. Is she avoiding you because she has been so hurt in the past that she is afraid to let you back in?

Do post again and I will watch for it. After your next post I would like to move your topic over to the section, "Ministry to men who are working to win their wife's heart back."




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