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Asked my Passive Aggressive Husband to leave....now what?


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#1 Anozziemum

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Posted 04 April 2017 - 02:27 PM

Hi

My husband is Passive Aggressive.

He left the home Saturday morning after I had asked him to leave multiple times....he finally left.

I didn't want him to leave but he had to. he withdrew so much from our family he was here in body but not really here. He would sit outside in the shed and sit on his phone or watch tv while I would cook clean and put the kids to bed. I would text him to tell him dinner was ready. sometimes he would come in sometimes he wouldn't. I would text him again to come and say goodnight to the kids.

He was self employed and was so unmotivated to work. He wouldn't look for work or advertise. He would just stay at home and wait for work to fall from the sky. Sometimes he would get word of mouth jobs. I would be so frustrated and try to talk to him but he couldn't take any criticism at all and walk away. or he would keep watching tv or look down at the ground and not answer. I would be so frustrated I would text message him all of my feelings or write him letters. I am unsure of how to treat him. I do feel sorry for him because I know he has a lot of childhood wounds. We have separated multiple times before and I am the one who always gives in and contacts him. He doesn't deal with anything at all. I am open to a miracle. I have had two recent dreams and feel they could be from God but not sure. The first one My husband died and I was sad but relieved, then he walked into the kitchen and I casually said Oh I thought you were dead. The next dream I had the night before he left. I dreamt he left and then he walked into the kitchen and gave me the biggest  hug and was swaying as he hugged me. In the dream I felt unsure and scared but  hugged him back. He also looked homeless and haggard. We have 8 children together. How do I treat him? Im hoping he will repent and follow Jesus (Yahushua) and be saved. He is a believer but because he is Passive Aggressive he doesn't act like a believer. Please help me to know how to treat him and how to act around him for the best chance of him repenting and getting help for his personality disorder.

Sincerely

Anozziemum



#2 justhoping

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Posted 24 April 2017 - 01:20 AM

Do some research on the "Avoider" personality and see how close that fits. 



#3 JoelandKathy

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Posted 26 April 2017 - 03:33 AM

Hi Annozziemum,

 

First, I apologize that we have been no-show on the forum and did not realize that you had posted. We're back!

 

You do already realize that you made the mistake a few times of being the one who initiates coming back together.

 

If he is going to come back, repentant, then it is going to have to be as it was in your dreams. HE has to be the one to come back, repentant.  In the dream you did not pursue him. The kitchen represents that you were busy in your life. Busy with your children. Busy with enjoying life (cooking is enjoyable - so that represents having fun) and the kitchen, over-all represents everything else that you are busy with in life.

 

HE CAME into YOUR kitchen. You did not chase him. You did not go to where he was to ask him. You were "busy about your father's business" and your husband came to his senses and HE INTITIATED coming home.

 

The dream is God letting you know that if there is going to be a repentance and restoration, that THIS is how it MUST happen.  

 

If you go after him, then he will not ever repent.

 

How do you treat him?  As if he does not exist.  Live your life. You and the kids. Have fun. Be busy. Forget he exists. Be about your Father's business, MAKE SURE your children are having FUN. Make sure you are a FUN mom. Kathy's four P's: Pray, Plan, Play and Praise."

 

Your dream is NOT a guarantee that your husband will repent. God was letting you know that IF there is a miracle, that is how it will look. 

 

Every time that you tell your husband that you love him, you will be putting a nail in his coffin. Don't do it.

 

Every time that you "signal" or "hint" to him that you want him, you will be putting a nail in his coffin. Don't do it.

 

I remember one couple... she filed divorce.  They were in the courtroom. She looked at him, walked over to him and said, "I don't really want this, do you?"  and He said "no"   They reported to us how they then got back together. When they shared this, internally I screamed, "NOOOOOOO"    Outwardly, I smiled and congratulated them.  I knew the future (as much as a human can 'know' the future.)  I knew that in two or three years, after the wife had experienced a few more years of pain, that they would be back in divorce court and she would be more damaged than she would have been had it gone through now.  Her playing the man's part assured more pain for her and no real repentance on his part.

 

Welcome to the forum.  I hope that you also join our calls!  See the call number and call times at the website: GodSaveMyMarriage.com



#4 MaryJane

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Posted 01 May 2017 - 03:57 AM

Anozziemum, welcome! I'm sorry too , I did not realize you had posted. I need to pay more attention. :)

Have you read Joel and Kathy's two books? You can order them from their web site, Godsavemymarriage.com
They are SO validating! I couldn't believe it!

Please, yes, you must stop reaching out to draw your husband into the marriage relationship. That is the husband's job, to draw his wife to him! Every time you do that, he feels more and more like a failure of a man. He needs a wake-up call.

I hope he is not back in your house, but if he is, still unchanged, I'd say you need to put him out again, telling him that he is not welcome back until he calls Joel of Joel and Kathy, the authors of this ministry. That way YOU do not have try, yet again, to perform the fruitless job of convincing your husband to BE a husband!

I look forward to hearing from you again!

#5 MaryJane

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Posted 17 August 2017 - 03:57 AM

The thing is, at this stage in your marriage, if your husband believes that you are done with him the way he has been, he MAY rise up and let you know that he wants to change.  It's time to "help" him differently.  

 

Do get Joel and Kathy's two books.  They are so uplifting!

 

God's blessings to you, dear lady!



#6 MaryJane

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Posted 22 August 2017 - 11:46 PM

How are you doing, Anozziemum?




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