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Conference calls yes or no?

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#1 posyplanter

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 12:17 AM

Hello ladies,

I'm not sure where to even post, but for now I guess I'll post here.(Feel free to move this if you need to!)

My husband contacted Joel concerning an intensive a few weeks ago, and I understand during the conversation, Joel encouraged him to join the conference calls, watch the dvds, and kinda work on things before coming. I'm unsure whether to encourage that or not for the following reasons:

 

He promised almost nine years ago to go to an intensive after reading both books, experienced measured success, started listening in and decided he didn't like what he was hearing, pursued other ministries, Not necessarily bad, and again with measured success. Attended a conference by Ken Nair, read his and Paul Hegstrom's books, decided to attend Life Skills but never went, considered (phone) counseling with Ken Nair, but never followed through, (kind of) dabbled with a few other ministries, but never stuck with anything. (Yes, I believe he's Passive Aggressive.)

 

A whole lot of water has gone under the bridge since then, so to speak. I won't bore anyone with all the details, but the result is basically that I have become somewhat numb emotionally, or perhaps it's been God hiding me in his strong tower.  It might be a combination. I've experienced the Lord's peace and presence in ways that I never realized were possible. I've learned to run to him. I know Jesus is with me, no matter what. He's the only security I have felt for at least fifteen years.

 

 

If there's any hope at all for us, I sure don't want to mess anything up by encouraging listening in or participation in the calls, watching dvds, then  having hubby turn and run as soon as he hears something that makes him uncomfortable, and never make it to an intensive. It just seems like God is saying to me, "Just get him there, and I'll deal with him!"

 

Am I wrong? Right now, he claims to want to work on our relationship. Not sure what to believe, and I know dealing with Passive Aggressives can be touchy. What do you suggest?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



#2 MaryJane

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Posted 18 July 2017 - 09:23 AM

Hi Posyplanter! I'm glad you have posted! I understand why you have this question for sure.

So, a date is set for you to attend an intensive?

Did your husband, and you, read both of Joel and Kathy's books?

If your husband did not actually sign you up for an intensive, I think the important thing right now is that he do so -- for the very next one, if at all possible! No explanations or discussion necessary. This is it. You are unwilling to "try" anything else.

I say this because I think he has dabbled in working on his marriage long enough. Attending an intensive with Joel and Kathy would be a REAL beginning of really working on it.

I'd like to suggest that at least you get on lots of conference calls and speak up when you can. This would help you to get stronger. Maybe you are already doing that.

Would you tell us more of your marriage history when you reply? We would like to get to know you! God's blessings to you, Posyplanter! I'm looking forward to your reply!

#3 posyplanter

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Posted 19 July 2017 - 04:58 AM

Hello, and thanks for the response!

Wow, I'm not sure y'all would want to hear the whole nine yards.......

But I'll try to give an overview.

 

1st of all, yes we've both read both books, along with Paul Hegstrom's books and Ken Nair"s; both were eye opening.

 

We both come from a very traditional church background which can be both good and bad, (depending on what was truly Biblical and what was merely cultural, as we all know.:))

 

In the beginning of our relationship and the first few years of marriage, we both had a sincere love for God and desire to live for him. In spite of some erroneous teachings and growing pains, the church we were a part of truly was like family, the leadership was seeking God, and we were growing together in love. Unfortunately, the seemingly inevitable happened and we went through some "church junk". I suppose because churches are made up of human beings. We're supposed to be regenerated but well, suffice it to say that hubby never really got over it, never was completely healed from that heartbreaking experience. His spiritual and moral life started to decline from then on. The rest of our life together as a family seems to have been poisoned by his bitterness and anger. Most people never see it, but it's been dumped on our family in a variety of underhanded ways.

 

At first, I had the typical response of, "It must be my fault!":.......& thus began a whole "library" of self help books for women on how to "fix" our marriages. Unfortunately, the women's ministry in our church at that time was flooded with them. Interestingly, I don't recall anyone there that had the kind of marriage I would want. Mostly women who had resigned themselves to a life of lower expectations of their husbands and that had somehow found renewed vigor from the current popular method of holding it all together by submitting more perfectly and becoming the perfect "helpmeet", continuing to "validate" their husbands. (My, that sounds so dysfunctional to me now, lol!) So yes....been there, done that!

 

I realized later, after reading both of Paul Hegstrom's books and also both of Joel & Kathy's that arrestedness is likely the reason for my husband's response. (or lack thereof!!:o) He basically withdrew into his own world and locked everyone else out. Although we didn't understand the proper terminology years ago, what is interesting to me is that the Holy Spirit did make us  aware of some of those "tendencies" from time to time, and we dealt with them either at an altar praying with some of our church family, or together at home, and we were growing in grace.....till more "junk" started happening. It definitely seems like it's been a pattern for us, and it distresses me. We've been in three other churches since the 1st one years ago, and it always seems like something happening at church is always what trips my husband up.

 

We even did some "traditional" counseling with a couple different counselors, and it would always come up. Finally during one session I remember our counselor turning to him and saying, "Jesus never did anything bad to you! Why are you "punishing" him?" And yes, often it was touch and go with those counselors as well. He never hung in there long enough to make lasting progress.

 

I've had my own journey during these difficult years, and yes, I feel like I've grown up, and gotten closer to Jesus, realizing that I am complete and whole in him. No, I don't need a man to "complete" me! Jesus is my everything, and if my husband ends up leaving, it's ok. I don't really need all that dysfunction. Having aging parents with health issues, I've spent quite a lot of time away in the last year, and with it came that realization. It felt incredibly freeing to me. Separating really doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world anymore. We as a family basically lost him years ago already, as far as relationships go.

 

However....as a child of God, I know he would want to heal our marriage and family. Our children have deep hurts, and I know I do as well. Most important of all, he is not fulfilling the destiny God has for him, and neither is our family. (I know God's grace can cover the rest of us and we could go on without him. but it wouldn't be ultimately what we were called to.)

I told him he needs to decide what he's going to do. Either seriously work on our relationship by going to an Intensive........or we separate. ;

 

He actually called about possible Intensive dates, but with his track record, that doesn't mean he'll follow through with anything. I believe he knows he needs to get in a discipleship program that offers some accountability. (At least, he said so) It's just that what he needs the most is also his greatest fear, and with a Passive Aggressive personality,.... well, I think we all know it could end up anywhere. I just felt like that was the approach to take, to just get him there once and let Jesus and Joel deal with him,.....??

 

Your idea about just listening in by myself sounds like a good one; maybe I'll try that. The women's call sounds inviting.

 

Sorry this was such a long ramble!!



#4 MaryJane

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Posted 23 July 2017 - 01:46 AM

Thank you very much for that! What a clear description of the atmosphere of your marriage!

Why don't you call into the conference call tonight?

Have to go for now. Will come back later.

Am back. I like your thought, "Just get your husband to the intensive and let the Lord deal with him there." That would be a major first step in the healing of your marriage! I am pretty sure I felt almost exactly the way you do right now, not wanting to ever rock the boat, but still, knowing the boat HAS TO change direction!

If you could see your way clear to getting on tonight's call, I will be listening for you. If you introduce yourself, which you don't have to, I will speak up and say Hi.
It's meant to be a couples' call, but do introduce yourself and when there are no more couples to talk, they would love to talk to you, I know! Even just listening in is encouraging, I think. Do you have the number handy?

It is 1 (857) 232-0476. Access code: 544475

Let's talk again!

#5 MaryJane

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 04:14 PM

PS

The conference calls for now are Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday at 10 pm Eastern Time, and, Sunday at 9 pm Eastern.

#6 posyplanter

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Posted 25 July 2017 - 04:29 AM

Well, it looks like I missed the conference calls!

 

Sorry about that; got really busy for a couple days and yesterday our internet was slow and unreliable. I will be away tomorrow evening as well, far as I know. I might be able to try on Thursday evening.

 

I love what you wrote about not wanting to rock the boat, but still knowing it needs to change direction....... if that isn't ever (profoundly) the truth! Amen and amen, sis! I feel like I've come to the point where it's gotta change direction if I'm gonna stay in it! We need Jesus to come walking on the water.....

 

I've been reading some of your posts MaryJane, to get to "know" you better. My, it sounds like your journey has been a looong one as well....and one I can relate to! It does help to give me hope. Thanks so much for responding.

 

I can't help but feel like we haven't been "redeeming the time" very well at all, (sigh!) I'd much rather be busy leading souls to Jesus and preparing for his return, while our family lives and walks in victory, instead of struggling with so much dysfunction and immaturity. Yes, I can still lead others to him, to be sure, but it's much more difficult when things at home weigh me down so much.

 

At any rate, if this boat (seems) to be turning in the right direction, I'd like to keep it that way!

 

Another question; do callers use real or fictitious names on your conference calls?



#7 MaryJane

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Posted 25 July 2017 - 07:17 AM

Callers may feel free to use fictitious names on the calls. Perfectly fine. One thing about the calls is that because you can remain anonymous, it's a little easier to be open and talk about any and every problem in the marriage. Also, while the hosts are helping one couple, the other listeners are receiving help and encouragement too!

I think I know what you mean about redeeming the time. Sometimes it feels like you're putting in time, wasting time, struggling and having to concentrate on a dysfunctional marriage when you could be out winning the world! What I think now, is that getting our marriages right IS winning the world -- or at least it's pretty much a basic first step in doing so.

The first thing God did after creation was institute marriage. If even just the Christians would get marriage down pat, the world would be asking "a reason for the hope that lieth" within us!

How long have you been married, Posyplanter?

#8 posyplanter

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Posted 26 July 2017 - 04:39 AM

Thanks MaryJane; it's good to know that. I'll try to steal away and listen in Thursday evening.

 

We've been married 23 years.

 

Compelling words about getting marriage right! So, I shall assume that getting our marriage right is our next step in winning the world? I believe you are right......

 

Right now is especially difficult because it's hard to juggle all of the demands that life has for me. Along with various other demands that seem like they are enough to drive a woman crazy, we have four children, (whom I love very much, btw!) aged from 5 to 19 years, and I have homeschooled for 14 years so far.

 

Our oldest son graduated and will be taking college classes this fall. He's been working at a Christian youth camp this summer and has a desire to do youth and family ministry. (I had to smile when I read some posts you wrote about your son talking to your hubby, because our 19 yr. old told his Dad that he owes it to God and our family to go to an Intensive. :) The amazing thing is that my husband often listens to him, especially in subject areas where I wouldn't even dream of venturing right now!) Our son also offered (jokingly) to hog tie him and just take him there for me, but in all honesty he said to me later that he really wishes he could just do that!

 

I believe God wants us at the next Intensive, and I want to be aligned with him during the whole process, no matter what happens. Jesus is my first love, the one who spilled his blood for me, my "oxytocin-giver" right now! :) As long as I stick with him, I'll know I'll be ok. I'm also aware that he wants my hubby to be whole and healed as well, along with our family, although the choice will be up to him.

 

Thanks for the support and encouragement....



#9 MaryJane

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Posted 26 July 2017 - 06:55 PM

Wow, your son had exactly the right idea! You husband owes it to GOD and to his family to go to the intensive!! He owes it specifically to that son to show him by example that it's entirely possible for a man to love his wife as Christ loved the Church and to lay down his own self for her, like Christ.

Entirely possible!

I will aim to be on Thursday's call to see if I can tell if you are on. Maybe I'll hear you breathing. (I'm trying to be funny.)

PS:

I just found out that there will be no call on Thursday this week! They start an intensive tomorrow and there is no one to host it. Saturday night is the next call with a couple name Ben and Anfrea hosting.

#10 posyplanter

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Posted 05 August 2017 - 03:05 AM

Hello; back again!

Had a very busy week & internet was down. I believe we got it fixed now.

 

I "tuned in" to the conference call last night just as everyone was getting off, so too late for that one. I've got some sick kiddos right now, which has kept me hopping the last couple days and nights as well  Right now, everyone is either asleep or resting so I have a little time. 

 

I also picked up Book 2, and have been re-reading it again, more slowly this time. One thing I'm noticing is that although it really resonates with me, I feel like I can be more objective and I'm not as "emotional" as I was years ago. Wonder whether that's a good thing? [It's definitely more "convenient" with a busy household, as I only have a few minutes here and there in which to read!] 

 

I can sooo relate to the story about the dear lady who had to learn to be an "emotionally healthy single-but-married woman". [I wonder whether they ever had a breakthrough?]  

That pretty much sums it up for me; even more so for the last 12-15 years. I've learned to just run to Jesus with everything that a wife would normally take to her husband. He NEVER EVER shuts me out, or tries to run away. It's much, much safer, and he always has a life-giving word for me, his sweet presence has been here with me, sooo real at times! I guess if my husband does decide to do what it takes to "grow up", I have the perfect "benchmark"  for Christlikeness! It makes me smile, just knowing that Jesus is my "happy place", my antidepressant, tranquilizer, healer, the one who holds me together, my first love, wow! It's his presence that has comforted me during the lonely times when my heart was broken to pieces. Nobody does it like he does! He has been that and more, over and over again! We can never, ever lose with Jesus. I feel like I'm under his wings, in the cleft of the rock, inside his fortress, and I ain't comin out till he says it's safe to do so! 

 

I will try to get on the call Saturday night...... 

 

 

 



#11 MaryJane

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Posted 06 August 2017 - 02:48 AM

Hi Posyplanter!

Life can get pretty busy, I know. I hope your children are much improved today.

I know what you mean about Jesus being your Great Support and Friend in an unsupportive and unfriendly marriage! He's an amazing Friend!

The activity on the conference call is light right now. I'll watch for you!

God's blessings!

#12 posyplanter

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Posted 07 August 2017 - 03:16 AM

Hello again!

Just talked with Brian and Charlotte this evening; finally got on a conference call! Their thinking was yes, it would be ok to just get my husband to an Intensive once, since he has read the books already, if that's what I need to do.

 

I really don't want to overwhelm him with a lot of demands right now. Actually following through and going to an Intensive would be a big step in the right direction and I don't want anything to mess that up. I'm not asking him for more things than absolutely necessary, because I don't want him to get too agitated or distracted. After the Intensive, the rest of my requests can then follow.

 

It was great to feel "safe" enough to actually talk with someone who has "been there"! I really just wanted my question answered, and didn't realize it would be so edifying and encouraging. :) It's beginning to feel like I'm not quite so alone! It's wonderful to have "coaches"!

 

So.....I guess we shall see. Hubby says there are no dates yet for September so he can't schedule us. If he actually follows through this time, and decides to stick it out long enough to "grow up", it will be a dream come true. I'm afraid, and yet I am hopeful. Either way, Jesus is with me. 

 

Thanks for your encouragement, MaryJane!

 

  



#13 MaryJane

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Posted 07 August 2017 - 05:34 AM

You're welcome! I know this place was definitely what I needed.

I'm sorry I missed tonight's call! Oh well, I'll hear you another time. I know, there's nothing like feeling that you have a safe place to TALK -- about how you feel and what is really going on in your life!

In whatever subtle, or outright way you choose, don't let your husband "forget" about booking that intensive!

I'm sure glad you got to talk to Brian and Charlotte! That's just great!

How old are your children? Are you a homeschooler? I'm curious. :)

#14 posyplanter

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Posted 16 August 2017 - 02:35 AM

Well, it's been a very busy week!

 

1st, our children's ages are: oldest son-nineteen, second son-[soon to be] fifteen, oldest daughter-ten,  and youngest daughter-just turned five years old. :) Yes I have homeschooled since our oldest was five years old, and now this year will be starting Kindergarten with our youngest. We do belong to a homeschool co-op, which has been a great experience, even though it makes us very busy! :)

 

Our oldest son still remembers having a positive relationship with his Dad as a youngster, although he's had more hurts and disappointments than anything else, in recent years. He has a heart after God, and feels called to minister to children and young people, something he is already doing in ways that amaze me sometimes. He has spent the summer working at a Christian camp, ministering to kids in a wilderness setting. He has prayed for years for his Dad to completely come back to God, and for complete healing for our family. Our other children have a lot of hurts and unanswered questions, mostly caused [I believe] by a father who has been self-absorbed and passive, never really connecting or building a relationship with them, but still expecting performance, double standards, mood swings, never knowing quite what to expect. It has caused a lot of insecurity. As you can imagine, older brother usually ends up consoling his siblings, praying with them, encouraging them, etc. I often hear him praying with his younger siblings after a difficult experience. It has been both a blessing and a concern. I hope that's healthy. I don't want to contribute to any of my children having arrested development!!!

 

Haven't gotten on any conference calls since a week ago, but one good thing has happened; my husband booked us for the September Intensive! :)

 

I'm cautiously optimistic at this point. There is happiness and thankfulness welling up within me, and at the same time I tell myself to be careful. It's as if our future from here on, our family's future, for healing, for ministry [down the road] is somehow all tied up in that Intensive. As if Jesus is waiting there for us with all that we need for healing and victory, all that I've prayed for, and I can hardly wait to get there......yet there is a measure of apprehension. What if my husband does what he has done every single time before this and begins this process, but doesn't stick it out long enough to reach complete healing and victory?

 

I've "toughened up" a lot over the years and have learned to take my heart to Jesus and spill it on him; the good, the bad, along with all my cares, worries, hurts, and concerns. It does no good to share them with my husband, he doesn't want to hear them, and isn't emotionally or spiritually mature enough to handle them anyway. What do I do with all of that when it comes time to actually share my heart with him? I haven't done that in so long, it feels scary. In almost every instance, [with only a handful of exceptions, ever!] it ended up being a negative, [many times emotionally devastating] experience. Eventually, I learned whenever my husband hurt me in some way, to just leave the situation as quickly and quietly as possible, find a place alone, and cry out to Jesus. I guess in that respect, I still have feelings; I've just learned not to reveal them to him. I'd sure love to have some counsel from someone who's "been there!"



#15 MaryJane

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Posted 16 August 2017 - 11:10 PM

Oh wow! The September intensive! I am SO happy to hear that!

I hope your husband sees it as the first step in his last chance at healing his marriage. Anyway, he will get lots of cheery, yet challenging information and encouragement at the intensive. You will too. I absolutely loved it!

And then there's the beach, if you have a day or two afterwards.

I'll come back after supper and say a little more.

#16 MaryJane

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Posted 17 August 2017 - 03:43 AM

Your four children are certainly well spread out!  Two sons, two daughters, just right as they say.  Mine is just right too -- four sons.   :)

 

Something I have come up with since obtaining a nice easy-going marriage, is that a big reason why both parties ought to work hard on making their marriage great is, so that their children have a pattern to follow!!!  My oldest three have been struggling somewhat and the oldest isn't even married!  They love the Lord and will get there, but...  The youngest married at age 20.  They read the red book right at the start, took it to heart, and away they went!

 

 

The Lord will continue to be your Helper as you do your part, we know that!  It will be up to your husband to decide whether he is going to DO THIS, or not.  

 

The wife's part is actually pretty powerful.  Where it says that Adam needed a helper and God brought Eve to him for that purpose, her "help," in Hebrew, is powerful!  You likely know this but I like saying it.  It's the same word as is used for God's help or an army's help.  We wives are not meant to cower before our husbands (which is what I did, in a way, for years).

 

A lot of the things you wrote in your last post would be helpful to put in the letter you send to Joel and Kathy pre-intensive, I think.  It would be a good idea to bring up your concern about the children when you have your private session too.  

 

I know what you mean about not wanting to contribute to your children's arrested development.  I knew I shouldn't lean on my boys for any kind of emotional support, so I didn't, but, didn't know until long afterwards that they used to hear me crying in the night.   :(

 

Still, God is well able to help us and them get straightened out!

 

I sure understand how scary it is to open up to my husband!  I felt like I was the worst at it.  I was scared stiff.  However, I think when the husband knows, whether we do it perfectly or not, that we are serious, and this is IT, they usually make their decision.  And, if they don't make their decision, they are actually making one...

 

I presume you have been married about 20 years.  Was Mr. Husband nice and romantic and attentive when you were dating?

 

Well, I've nattered on long enough.  Let's talk again!



#17 posyplanter

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Posted 18 August 2017 - 04:14 AM

Hello again,

Thank you for the encouragement MaryJane!

A Pre-Intensive letter? Somehow I must have missed that! I don't recall anyone telling me that we are to send one, Do please enlighten me. If one needs to be written, I'd better get started, because I don't have much "private" time w/o little munchkins looking over my shoulder! I usually have to come on here at night when everyone is asleep!

 

What you said about your kids hearing you crying in the night really tugs at me! I used to hear my mother crying at night, and sometimes even in the day time. She struggled with depression while I was growing up. I'll never forget how I felt. I've tried hard to hide my tears from our kids for that reason.

 

My son questioned me out recently and chided me for being so "private" with my prayer life. I was explaining how that Jesus has just become everything to me, he has met my needs so many times, and we can always run to him, no matter what. He will always be there with whatever we need for the moment, etc. I want my kids to know that, beyond anything else. Just because their Dad ignores their hearts' needs doesn't mean their Heavenly Father will! He then told me, it would have been good for the rest of them to "observe" some of that, rather than me hiding it away, because now maybe some of his younger siblings wouldn't be struggling so much with whether God loves and accepts them, hears their prayers, etc. Sigh...... I was only trying to protect them; maybe I overdid it. ???

 

Yes, we've been married 23 years, and yes, "Mr. Husband" was romantic and attentive when we were dating, and for a few years afterward. Although he struggled, I could tell he was [to some degree, as much as he understood] making honest effort to be a good husband and father to our oldest son. I say that with a bit of hesitation, because it sounds complicated, yet it isn't really.  My take on it is simply that although some of what we were brought up to believe was in error, and  arrested development was/is definitely a factor, our hearts were after God. Therefore, as we sought him, he lead us into life and truth. Although it wasn't very often, I can still recall a few times when my husband would voluntarily minister life and healing to my heart in such a way that only God could have been in it! Those were times he was closely following God and living "dead to the flesh"!  He lived out these principles without even realizing it, just by walking in the Spirit. During those times, it's as if something was lifted off of me. Unfortunately, it never lasted very long. Usually, all it took was for something negative to happen at church, or for me to appear "too needy", and he would withdraw  [to sulk maybe?]  and seemingly shut everyone else out. It's been the norm for him for the last twelve to fifteen years.

 

That whole issue has had me rather mystified. I finally began to realize [after the woman who was counseling me asked me to observe] that it wasn't just me. Anyone who seems too spiritually or emotionally "needy" gets the same response, including our kids, "close" friends, family. He will seem to listen, [for a while] and then he simply avoids them, or avoids situations where the problem or "neediness" might surface. He doesn't have what I would consider close friendships, even with family members. The relationships seem to always stay on the surface.

 

This area is where Ken Nair's book(s) and discipleship program for men would be profoundly helpful. Hubby attended a seminar, read the book, and God started dealing with him. As soon as my heart started opening up and I began to share what was in there, he seemingly wasn't able or willing to go the distance. The discipleship program was {one} of the things he was {going to do} but never followed up on. It broke my heart, because learning WHAT IT MEANS AND WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE to communicate and minister at the heart and spirit level, and to be HELD ACCOUNTABLE to stick with it. is something that is greatly needed. If he doesn't come to understand that, there's no hope of healing for us, ever.

 

I feel like my heart is something that my husband has "played" with, then got tired of and tossed aside,. He came back later, picked it back up again, repeated the process several [lots of] times, damaging it more each time, and then basically lost heart because it wasn't "responding" the way he wanted it to. Now here we are again and it looks like he's ready to do it again in hopes that this time it will "respond" more favorably. Only this time, I feel that I can't bear being "played with". What my heart needs is healing, This time, this heart is determined to hide under the Lord's wings, until he tells me it's safe to come out!

 

I have really rambled on in this post...... Sorry if it is boring and repetitious!

 

 



#18 MaryJane

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Posted 19 August 2017 - 08:22 PM

No, your post was clear and interesting!

What seems to happen, I think I've noticed in our house, is that once the husband starts to become really consistent at meeting his wife's emotional needs, he almost automatically becomes more patient with everybody else. My husband still occasionally gets "riled up" at the government, any government, certain kinds of people, etc. but he is controlling those attitudes far better than he used to!

It sounds like your oldest son is doing a fair bit of voluntary "parenting." That is what the eldest tend to do I think. I know I did for sure! My mother hadn't asked me to do it. I just felt responsible for the younger one's behaviour when Mom wasn't right there.

One thing to aim for, I think, is to continually be the MOTHER in your children's lives, in particular with this oldest son. For example, when he "chides" you about your parenting, don't allow yourself to "cave." You can pause to collect yourself, then kindly but confidently, thank him for giving you his viewpoint and you will either think about it, or, you might have a good answer right away. Just don't allow him to subtly become YOUR parent, even though he means well.

I don't know that I explained myself very well there but maybe you can figure out what I meant. ??

About the letter, all I know is that Joel and Kathy used to ask for that. They may not anymore. For your own benefit, though, I think it's helpful to have a few points written out so you can draw on them in your private session. I wish I had had a paper in my hand for that one. I did think of one important issue to mention and my husband did take to heart their advice. It was huge for me, had to do with finances.

Kathy says to feel free to text her. You could ask her about the letter.

All the best!

#19 posyplanter

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Posted 20 August 2017 - 05:10 AM

Hello again,

Thank you for those words of wisdom! I sure hope it will happen that way for us; hubby "growing up", and the issues with the children falling in place as well. My kids have had to walk on eggshells way too much in their young lives. 

 

Your insight about the "parenting" is correct, I believe. Thanks for the tip. Oldest son has a good heart and a valid point many times, but I shouldn't let him "parent" me.

 

 I believe writing some things down might actually be a good idea, and less intimidating as well, rather than trying to remember it all. Maybe if I just write a letter, I won't need to talk very much.

 

One more [practical] question ...... what types of clothes should I plan on packing for the Intensive? Is the atmosphere generally casual, a little more dressed up, or is it a mixture?

As you can imagine, my wardrobe needs an overhaul as well! :o I just haven't had the [uninterrupted] time or peace and quiet [when I'm not nodding off!] to do much in that department recently. The thought occurred  to me that it might help reduce some stress if I prepare earlier.

 

 

 

.



#20 MaryJane

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Posted 22 August 2017 - 05:56 AM

The dress is casual. They take you out for supper one night to a restaurant, so you probably would want to dress up a little bit for that. If you don't live near a beach already, I hope you can take a day or two extra to enjoy the Atlantic Ocean's edge!

Is your husband talking about the upcoming intensive at all?




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